Feelings VS. your comfort zone

A friend of mine publishes a printed monthly newsletter about self improvement.

I find it an interesting read because it makes me think about how I think about things. And I find that I am increasingly disagreeing with some of the things he says. Or at least find that there are additional points that needs to be made.

There are two main things that I have gathered from Gary Vurnums www.obviousstupid.com newsletters;

• Feelings reveal how you think and is therefor the best way to find out if you are doing what is right for you. If you feel bad about it, my understanding is that the decision or action may not be the best one for you.
• Challenge your comfort zone in order to grow. You have to do the uncomfortable to have a chance to grow.
  

Now, look at those two statements. I read them to mean "make decisions that make you feel comfortable but you must also make decisions that make you uncomfortable".

See the oxymoron? It seems completely contradictory doesn't it? does to me. Or at least it did when I started to write this blog post.

Are there situations you could do both? Or am I mis-reading what Gary is saying? Knowing how I think, chances are I misunderstand. I'm thick like that.

Or are there simply a collection of fundamental flaws in Gary's thinking? Possibly. at worst. At best it is simply missing a few bits.

Ok, taking the "feeling as a compass" point first.

The paradox, to me, is that your feeling "compass" is completely dependent on the "magnetic pole" of your thoughts. The needle of a compass always points to the magnetic north, which is slightly to the east of the actual North pole.

The problem with using our feelings to indicate if our direction is the correct choice for us, is that our thought patters are not a fixed magnetic point. We can think in both a negative way and in a positive way. There are always at least two views you can take on any given event that happens to you. If you decide to feel good about a situation, the different choices you have in front of you will feel different to you than if you decide to let your less desirable thought patterns dominate.

I never know if this makes any sense to anyone other than me, or if I am simply stating the obvious (!), but this to me makes it crucial to recognize how I am thinking before I let my feelings make my decisions for me. Simply "decide on the thing that feels best" is not good enough. It is more complex than that. Or at least it can be.

Just look at the oxymoron I started with. From a positive point of view, challenging your comfort zone is a good thing, but by its very definition it is going to be uncomfortable to do so. So how can you possibly use your feelings in this situation to decide if the decision is the right one or not?

Does this mean that the thinking-feeling-decision theory only works while you are inside your comfort zone? I'm sure someone smarter than me knows. I'm still too unsure about the "feeling compass" theory.

Clearly your emotions play a part, but I don't agree for a second that it is the most important guide.

Here is a case in point.

You have two options in front of you. They both have things you like and dislike about them and you are unable to decide which way to turn. One of them feels uncomfortable because it is out of your comfort zone and the other "feels" better because it is INSIDE your comfort zone.

You are absolutely and completely split down the middle about which way to go. There is NO preference of one over the other when it comes to how you feel about them. The thought of walking down either path makes you both excited and apprehensive at once.

How would you decide?

How do you know without long and detailed analysis, that you are thinking right, or feeling right?

My feeling about the thinking - feeling - deciding theory is that if you think wrong, your feelings will identify to the wrong decision as the right one. And you may not be able to know exactly if your thinking is coming from a point of lack or from a point of abundance.

Personally, and I think Gary agrees, this whole decision making process is a whole lot easier if you know your purpose. If your goals and ambitions have a "higher purpose" and you know what that purpose is, then the paradox goes away.

And the "feeling compass" has been relegated from the top spot.

Cheers,
Jon ( still progressing )

=Every Day In Every Way, I'm Getting Better And Better=

P.s - I only found my higher purpose as a result of thinking about this paradox, and a particular decision making process / situation that has arisen in my personal life lately.

and my purpose is to help those that want to be helped. This should apply to everything I do. and it made my decision pretty easy.